I should blog...

Harlo...

I realised how dead my blog is.. And also with people asking me to blog, I guess I will do it then... Just a short one though, cause nothing much to really talk about..

After that really emo post like 2 months ago, my mood has been better.. No more emo-ness..

I've been busy working hard, and learning how to drive. My driving test date will be on the 9th July, which coincidentally is my father's birthday. I really hope I would be able to pass, because it would mean I wouldn't have to spend so much more on lessons and the test, and also as a gift for my dad. Haha... But the most important factor would be the moolah, since the lessons are totally burning a big fat hole in both my pockets.

My 2 new hammies, Milktea and Mantou are growing fat and chubby, just the way I like my hammies.. Haha, although I like the female more, cos she's more lovable and fat compared to the boy, and smells so much nicer.. Haha..

As for the everything else, it's pretty much the same... Although I'm thinking of making some major decisions for the future.. But I will blog about when the time comes I guess..

That's about it I guess.. I will update more frequently (hopefully) so as to let you know how I've been and what mischief I've been up to.. =P

That's all from me, for now~!

Slipping..

I feel like I am slipping... Into a dark abyss.. Not really the bottom, but feeling quite down lately..

I have all these negative feelings bottled up inside me, and I seriously hate it. I can do something about it, but the negativity is just crushing down on me.

I've identified a few of the problems that is contributing to the way I feel, but it just seems to much for me to change in a short time.

For one, I feel like an under-achiever. Seeing all my friends doing well in life, makes me feel very inferior to them. Seeing them so happy in their lives and thoroughly motivated to become better, makes me feel less motivated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut with no future prospects for me. I feel really depressed about it and I know I can do something about it, but the negativity just becomes more over-whelming and makes me have short panic attacks/bursts of emotions and I just cannot handle it.

Another problem I know is, I feel like my whole life, I have been waiting. Waiting for everything to come my way. I hate this situation I am in, and even after waiting, things don't usually go my way.

Sigh, I feel so tired lately. What with the bad dreams plaguing me at night, my inadequecies at almost everything I do. Also, doesn't help that I'm not talking to anyone, because I can't really relate how I am feeling properly into spoken language. So I keep it to myself, make myself feel worst, and I cry. Seems to be the only thing that helps nowadays, it is to cry and not say anything.

I am tired.. Of everything...

What
should
I
do
?

When things happen...

It's always sad when couples are no longer together.. It's even sadder if you know the couple personally.

I have come to realize that people are evil. Sometimes, the most unlikeliest person can do the most evil things to another human being.

Human beings can also do evil things to themselves, and cause self harm.

I guess when someone is feeling down and low, they feel like they are all alone and nothing can help them. But when you hear about people who has gone through worst and lived to tell their story, in hopes of inspiring someone and helping them, it makes you become stronger.

I hope I will continue to be inspired and learn to become stronger.

Pros and cons..

Sometimes, I feel life would be much easier and simpler when one is single. There are many things a single person will not have to worry about when one isn't in a relationship.

But then again... When one is single, there is a lot of things they cannot get from being in a relationship..

Maybe it's true what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. But when you get to the other side, you might feel that, your side was probably just as good as the other side..

Sigh..

How can people feel loved and unloved at the same time?

Highs and Lows

A friend once commented that I am a very emotion-driven person. When I am happy, I am all the way on the top.. But when I feel down, I really feel like I hit rock bottom..

So I said goodbye to my dear friend today at his funeral. There were so many people present. If only he would pick up the phone and call any 600 of us to talk. But he already made his choice, and there's nothing we can do. I feel so sad for his family, and the people who loved him, including our circle of friends, who have been crying our eyes out ever since we found out.

Makes you evaluate what is truly important in your life and what's not. Maybe if he learn not to care so much, he might not feel like he's all alone, and do something drastic.

Because I am emotionally driven, sometimes when I feel down, I do feel like taking my own life. But I know I could never do it, because of all the people I love. However, if I were sick with depression, maybe all I can think of is to end everything to solve all my problems.

Sigh, seeing a friend leave us so early, makes me sad.

Maybe I should learn to numb myself. If I'm numb, I will not hurt as much. Getting hurt by the people you love is probably the most devastating thing that can happen to another human being.. And if I dun get hurt, I will be alive..

R.I.P My dearest friend, Tze Xian

A friend of mine ended his life today.

Many emotions are going through me now. Disbelief and anger are the most prominent ones. However, he made his choice and there's nothing anyone can do now but to respect his choice.

We used to be really close friends, but then circumstances changed but we still catch up once in a while. He was always a happy-go-lucky person like me. No matter what happens, he will always have this cheeky smile on. Whether he be emo or neutral. He loved to sing, and he loved to sing songs that are full of longing for love.

There's a lot of what ifs going on in our circle of friends who knew him. Why he did what he did, and how we could all have helped to prevent this ending. But I think he already decided what he wanted to do.

Since nothing can be undone, all I can say to him is...

To my dearest Tze Xian,

Even though we haven't been friends for a long time, I will always treasure our special friendship. I will sincerely miss all your smiles, your laughter, your silly grins and I will miss all the times we shared.

I hope that where ever you are right now, you have found peace from what you were trying to run away from. I think God must have needed you right away, which is why he took you away from us.

But I know, I will see you again eventually. So I will be waiting for that day, when I will get to meet you again. We will have so much to catch up on. =)

You will always be in my heart because of the friendship I have with you.

A friend who will truly miss your company,
Inky

Disgusted

I am thoroughly disgusted by cheating spouses.

A local semi-famous and pretty respected film director in Singapore, who is married for 27 years and has 4 kids with her, has been exposed by the mistress. He has admitted to the 2 year affair with a model who is less than half his age. An article about it can be seen here.

If there is anything I really hate, it's cheating spouses. By cheating on your other half, you are breaking the promise you made to her when you first get married. If there's any kids involved, it would be making a fool out of the family.

What's more, the model is not that much of a looker. She is just young and thinks that she is hot. I don't understand how some home-wrecker can become famous overnight.

I can never trust an infidelity from my partner. Firstly, I will never be able to forget and forgive him. Secondly, I will always envision them in my head while they are together, and laughing at me for being a fool. Thirdly, I will never be able to trust him around females again.

So if anything were to happen, it would be the end of everything we had. Whether married or with kids, I will still leave.

Sigh, rant over..

Off to get some sleep now..

Nites everyone and have a good week ahead!