Le sigh...

The previous post makes me sound mean, but I have to be mean to make sure I dun slip. Being mean does not become me, because I will try to be nice first, unless something changes it. In this instance, I have to be like that because frankly speaking, I'm not totally over him. It still hurts when he does things like that. Makes me soft and then I go into semi-depression mode which is bad for me. Survival of the fittest, we do what we have to do to survive in this dog eat dog world.

Sometimes, it's other mean people that make you feel as though you have to be mean to them. Like that's the only way they function.

Human behavior disgusts me sometimes. Especially when its selfish or demanding behavior. You see it everyday, be it outside when you're out shopping, when you're at work or even when you're at home. Being selfish and demanding sometimes in a way is good, but when it becomes a part of you, that's when people start seeing your ugly side.

-----
Example 1:
There was an uncle who was really rude and obnoxious whom I encountered on my way to work on the train this morning. He was sleeping, leaning the back of his head against the window, with his mouth wide open. It was a pretty funny sight, and made even funnier when he snorted and snored. But to the people around him, they would think that it would be just annoying and rude.

Later he woke up, and was talkign really loudly on his mobile phone. Just as he was about to get off the train, it jerked and some guy (let's just call him Mr. A) lost his balance and stepped on his feet. He gave Mr A a stare and sort-of scolded the guy, even though the Mr A was really apologetic.

My thoughts on the situation:
Him sleeping and making an embarrassment out of himself is his problem, not mine, just that he made himself look really uncultured. But when he scolded the poor guy for accidentally stepping on him, I thought that was just rude. It's not as though Mr A wanted to lose his balance and step on anyone. Him doing what he did embarrassed Mr A, and most probably spoilt the poor Mr A's day.

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Example 2:
I was at work, when this professional, pretty looking female (lets call her Ms B) walks in. She wanted to see the doctor, and proceeded to tell me she wanted to charge her medical fees under her company since it's under our contract listings. It was all good up till this point until she failed to produce her badge and if I were to follow procedure, I could have refused to let her charge it under her company.

I told her that it was compulsory for her to produce her badge for identification BUT being the nice person that I was, I said I could let it slide and that she should bring her badge the next time. Ms B got all aggro and said she could call her HR or whatever to talk to me to verify, and proceeded to tell me she was really sick and if I didn't want to let her see the doctor, then she could go to other doctor. Then she demanded her identity card back and walked off before I said anything.

My thoughts:
I was seriously pissed with her. I'm trying to be the nice person here and let it slide and she goes all aggro on me like I'm the difficult person here. What was worst was Ms B looked really professional and nice, which totally crushed my first impression of her when that happened.

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Moral of the story:
Never try to be a nice person first. If people are nice to you then you can start being nice to them.

Also, when there are no understanding between humans, there will never be any niceness in life. Just lots of misunderstandings and selfish behavior.
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The weekend is coming. I can't wait for it, so I can sleep in. Working full-time and studying part-time is starting to take a toll on me. I miss my mom, who's currently in Korea with dad right now. =(

I wanna have a holiday too....

What the hell was he thinking?

The message:
'Heyhey ivy :) hows things? Unis started yet? I'm so happy/proud of you. study hard ok.'

My thoughts:
Hmmm... Do I look like I care? Do you want me to think that you care?

Because I seriously dun. And if I do get a chance next time something like this happens again, I'm gonna say to him: 'Whatever, Trevor!'

The end.

It's time....

To walk out of the depressive mood I have been in and continue with what I am doing, feeling much more sure of everything.

I'm feeling much better after the 'alone' time I had with myself. To think and to remember. About the past, about what I am doing now, and about the future that I want.

=)

Lesson Learned

[Alicia Keys]
He broke my heart
And now it's raining just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy bout it

You'll say, "I told you so"
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go

I finally came around
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down
Nah

[John Mayer]
It's alright
It's alright
It's alright

[Alicia Keys]
It's alright

[John Mayer]
It's alright

[Alicia Keys]
Yeah

[John Mayer]
It's alright

[Alicia Keys]
Yeah

[John Mayer]
It's alright


[Alicia Keys]
Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned so I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Sometimes some lies can take a minute to fully realize

His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds to apoligize

You give him one more chance
(Yeah)
Just like the time before
(Yeah)
But he already knows you'd give a hundred more

Until that night in bed
(Yeah)
You wake up in a sweat
(Yeah)
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore

I was burned but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned so I call it lesson learned
Whoa
Oh
Oh
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Life perfect ain't perfect if you don't know what the struggles for
Falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past 'cause im getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You oughta see me now

Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned so I call it lesson learned
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Whoa
Oh
Oh

Said
Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned

[John Mayer]
(It's alright)
(It's alright)
(It's alright)

[Alicia Keys]
Said
Mistake overturned so I call it a lesson learned

[John Mayer]
(It's alright)
(Lesson learned)

[Alicia Keys]
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned

[John Mayer]
(It's alright)
(It's alright)
(It's alright)

[Alicia Keys]
Oh
Lesson learned

Whoa
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Lesson learned

[John Mayer]
(It's alright)
(Lesson learned)

It's alright
It's alright
It's alright

It's alright
Lesson learned

It's alright
It's alright
It's alright

Never the same again...

Nothing is ever going to be the same anymore. Life itself is changing, so is everyone I know. What I do know that will remain the same is that I will always feel lonely, no matter where, what or who I am with.

Been feeling kinda listless lately. And terribly terribly alone. I know I can talk to friends, but... I just don't feel like talking.

Friends who are busy with their life, and those who had their hearts stolen... I just feel totally out of place. Not that it's their fault, but they just seem.. happy..

Unlike me...

Oh well, I hope this phase passes soon. Been feeling like a zombie lately, what with a lack of sleep, nightmares and being mindfucked.

Nightmare...

I had a nightmare yesterday and I woke up feeling nauseous and giddy.

It scared me awake a couple of times throughtout the night and it was just so random.

=(

I'm scared.

Too bad I cant do this...

The Downside of...

Being Single.

1. Boys being interested in you, and wants to get to know you.

2. Boys being interested in you, and wants to get into your pants.

3. Boys acting weird and blaming you for it.

4. Having no one special to care for and be cared for.

5. Having no intimacy of any kind at all.

-----


Stayed at home the whole day today. Kinda boring but restful. I'll be starting classes tomorrow night and I'm a little scared. Going to go to bed soon, so I will not fall asleep in class.

Framed up my super-emo poster today. Will most probably mount it on the wall soon, maybe next weekend. Also got a Wii last weekend, for free! =)

Dun really feel like saying much, just wanted to update a little to let people know that I am still alive.

-----


I'm starting on another chapter of my life story. Kinda wish he was here with me, but what's done is done. Only thing left to do is to continue writing my story without him as a character anymore.

-----

Have a great week everyone, and enjoy the song of the week.

Build God, Then We'll Talk - Panic at The Disco

Lyrics:

It's these substandard motels on the (lalalalala) corner of 4th and Freemont Street
Appealing, only because they are just that un-appealing
Any practiced catholic would cross themselves upon entering
The rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe a just dash of formaldehyde
And the habit of decomposing right before your very (lalalala) eyes

Along with the people inside
What a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

Tonight tenants range from: a lawyer and a virgin
Accessorizing with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie
She's getting a job at the firm come Monday
The Mrs. will stay with the cheating attorney
Moonlighting aside, she really needs his money
Oh, wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Yeah (Yeah)

And not to mention, the constable, and his proposition, for that "virgin"
Yes, the one the lawyer met with on "strictly business"
As he said to the Mrs. well only hours before
After he had left, as she was fixing her face in a compact
There was a terrible crash (there was a terrible crash)
Between her and the badge
She spilled her purse and her bag, and held a "purse" of a different kind.

Along with the people inside
What a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

There are no...
Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses
It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses
The shade of the sheets and before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things

Raindrops on roses and the girls in white dresses
And the sleeping with the roaches and the taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things

Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses
It's sleeping with the roaches and the taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things

Raindrops on roses and the girls in white dresses
And the sleeping with the roaches and the taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things

~

P.S. The Imeem is broken and I can't find a good one. So I'll be posting the youtube concert version of it. Give it a listen, its really really good. Sorry again guys... =)

I feel like...

Cooking something sometime this week. I dunno what I feel like cooking but I just want to cook something... LoL... I'm weird..

Nothing much has been happening this past few weeks, hence the lack of posts. I will be doing a post about my awesome time at SingFest 2008 soon, since my bro has uploaded the pics already.

School is starting next week, and I have orientation this Friday. I feel kinda scared but extremely excited about it. =)

Went to Ikea over the weekends and will be sorta redocrating the room this weekend. I love shopping, esp grocery and furniture. =P

-----

I've been partying pretty hard this few weeks and I think I gotta tone down a little.

A friend, whom I just met recently, has been acting a bit weird. Every morning after we're done clubbing, he would apologise to me for any inappropriate things he did the night before. The funny thing though is, he's never done anything that has made me wary of him. He said something like:' I've been acting weird ever since I met you...' Is that a good thing or bad thing?

-----

Thats about it for now I guess..
Not really in the mood to blog right now.. Have a good week.

Updated..

The song of the week.. Jason Mraz is freaking awesome guy.. Kinda cute too, and he's like really really awesome live~! His band is very cool too!

Enjoy.

I miss you...

My 2 best friends are away for a while..

I miss both of them... =(

Hope they come back soon~!

I'm not missing you...

Had an awesome day today, but I'm way too tired to blog.. Anyways, decided the song of the week today when I was at SingFest 2008..

Stacie Orrico sang this and I cried when I listened carefully to the the lyrics and her singing this song just totally gave me strength and wisdom. It's good to have music in our world because there is always a song written out there to help you go through the good and the bad times, for whatever situations.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

-----

I'm Not Missing You - Stacie Orrico

Oohh
I'm not missing you

Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go
Hurt again 'cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be
He just had to cheat

I made a promise never to settle why didn't I keep it
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating
The fooling around
But I'm not missing you

[chorus:]
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and a hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I've got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

It's a shame in a way
'Cause I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him
Is he right in front of my face (Oh)
Will my true love ever be
Why would I go on a search again when I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me

I made a promise never to settle why didn't I keep it (Keep it)
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating
The fooling around
But I'm not missing you

[chorus:] x2
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and a hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I've got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

[bridge:]
No I can't be with you 'cause I'm scared
Felt like I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed and the person I could be
Love's good when it's right
Bad when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life

But I'm not missing you

[chorus:]
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me (nah)
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I've got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
(I used to hate it oh)
Different
(See the distance)
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

I'm not going through emotions
(Yeah yeah yeah)
Waiting and hoping you call me
(Knocking at my door)
You might have had me open
But I must be going because (It's the best day of my life)
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go (No no no no)
Different
Feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

You
Ooh
Oh
I'm not missing you
No baby
I'm not missing you

-----

To Mr F, I can tell you that I am slowly not missing him anymore. =) But then if I ever do slip, I hope you will be there to pick me up. Thanks so much for what you have done, I would never have walked such a long way without you. *Hugs*