Last day of June..

Today is the last day of June, which also marks half the year which has gone by so quickly.

So, I'm hereby gonna make a resolutions list for the last 6 months left of this year to fulfill some of the things I've always wanted to get done. Note that I've never made up any resolutions list because of the procrastinate-y and lazy-arse nature that I have.

1. Get my driving licence by the end of this year, so I can drive my Papa's new car~! *will load up a new picture when I get one from him*
2. Study hard and be one of the top 3 students in my foundation class.
3. Reconnect with old friends and make lots of new ones.
4. Learn a new skill. (Thinking of either a new language, or playing the guitar.)
5. Finding who I am and what my limits are!

=)

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Anyways, I've been out almost every day last week. Tiring but fun and guess what.. I'm sick!! I have a really painful sore throat now. Must be all the food I've been chomping down non-stop, that and the lack of sleep I've been having. Can you imagine coming home at 5am in the morning, going to bed at 6.30 am then waking up again at 9.30am to go out again? Or coming home at 4am in the morning, going to bed at 4.30am then waking up at 7.30am for work again?

Haha.. Kinda hectic but well, I wanna have some fun before I start school because once I start classes, I'm gonna be buried in my books. Haha.. So much to learn and so little time. I have to re-acquaint myself with Chemistry and Physics. Also have to make new friends with Biology. Gosh! So much to do~!

Frankly, it's a bit daunting and I haven't even gotten my timetable yet. Also need to re-arrangement my work schedule so I can make it for classes, meet the work quota of 10 shifts per week and set some time for revision/projects/assignments. Oh well.. I can't wait till my life makes such a huge change!

Wish me luck and I hope you guys will support me! =) Have an awesome week everyone and take care of your health! Not be like me. =P Ciao~!

Stay Just a little...

I came across this girl by accident. This song is very nice, and very sad... And she is pretty amazing.. =)

Enjoy.



Lyrics:

I heard it in your voice when your love died
On a telephone connection spanning miles and miles of wire
You said it was over and then cried and cried
You were gone before I said goodbye

And I don't like to think it is true
That distance came between us like a knife and cut right through
When did we go wrong and let it all undo?
The only one I ever loved was you.

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little, that's enough.

It kills me as I lay awake at night
Remembering the last kiss that we shared doesn't feel right
Is it impossible for me to win this fight
Keep you a little longer in my life?

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little, that's enough.

Ohhhh.....
Ohhhh.....

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little...
If you stay just a little, that's enough.

Aquarius...

The Origins...

Aquarius

The Chinese Equivalent of Aquarius..

Tiger

And I'm born in the year of the Tiger and also under the starsign Aquarius... freaky......

My Life according to...

My Ipod list..

Was looking through the archives of a friend's blog and I came across a past post he did. Since I'm bored and at work, might as well have some fun with it.

So what you do is to:
1.Open your music library.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the ‘next’ button.
6. Don’t lie.

Opening credits: Go To War - Akon Feat Papoose
Waking up: Kiss You - Cassie Feat Ryan Leslie
First day of High School: Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence
Falling in love: Hundred - The Fray
Fight song: Run It (Remix) - Chris Brown Feat Bow Wow and JD
Breaking up: Lie About Us - Avant Feat Nicole Schezinger
Prom: I Salute - Tyrese
Life: As The World Turns - Eminem
Mental breakdown: Dem Jeans - Chingy Feat Jermaine Dupri
Driving: It Had Better Be Tonight - Michael Buble
Flashback: Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
Getting back together: Fighting Over Me - Paris Hilton
Wedding: Get In, Get Fit - Ciara
Birth of child: Beautiful Girl - Kim Ah Jung (From the 200 pong Beauty Soundtrack)
Final battle: Too Little Too Late - JoJo
End credits: Watch Your Back - 50 Cent

Gosh... So Random! But hmm.. some actually makes sense.. Lol... Like if I were to wake up with someone next to me, I'll really give the special someone a kiss. For fight song and mental breakdown, I'll probably be going to a club to get it all out of my system. I like the birth of a child though, to have the title as A Beautiful Girl. =)

Haha... This is strange and fun! Try it if you run out of blog materials... Heehee... Or you could be like me and just youtube link.. =P

Have a great week everyone!

Cheating~!

Someone mentioned I was cheating by posting youtube links... So I decided to just do a proper blog post.

Went out last night with my gf and got pretty wasted. Sad thing was I became the type of drunk girls I hate. Went emo and all.. Sigh, at least it's out of my system. Maybe it's cause I was trying too hard, to move on and get over him. Hence the breakdown last night.

It gets pretty tiring sometimes though, because you have to be brave and put on a front so that people don't worry too much about you. It gets worst sometimes when you're alone. But it has been getting better.. The lonely times are more bearable and I think less of him now.

Good thing about this turn of events is I've realised how many good friends I have. And how I've neglected them because of the relationship. Trying really hard to make it up to them now by being there as much as I can, and not someone who comes and goes. So far it's working pretty well for me, my friends being really supportive.

I'm finding myself back again, because someone told me I wasn't fun anymore, not the same Ivy he used to know. What he doesn't know was that Ivy was there all along, just totally suppressed because he didn't like the real Ivy. I think it's just an excuse, but it hurts nonetheless. Strange how words can hurt more then actions.

Anyways, have a good week everyone.

Stranger...

Lyrics:
Nobody believes me when I tell 'em that you're out of your mind
Nobody believes me when I tell 'em that there's so much you hide

You treat me like a queen when we go out
Wanna show everyone what our love's about
All wrapped up in me whenever there is a crowd
But when no ones around

Theres no kindness in your eyes
The way you look at me, it's just not right
I can tell what's going on this time
Theres a stranger in my life

You're not the person that I once knew
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do
Then they would see a stranger too

Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you?
Did I ever make you wonder who was standing in the room?

You made yourself look perfect in everyway
So when this goes down I'm the one that will be blamed
Your plan is working so you can just walk away
Baby your secret's safe

Theres no kindness in your eyes
The way you look at me, it's just not right
I can tell what's going on this time
Theres a stranger in my life

You're not the person that I once knew
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do
Then they would see a stranger too

Such a long way back from this place we arrived
When I think of all the time I've wasted I could cry

Theres no kindness in your eyes
The way you look at me, it's just not right
I can tell what's going on this time
Theres a stranger in my life

You're not the person that I once knew
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do
Then they would see a stranger too

Theres no kindness in your eyes
The way you look at me, it's just not right
I can tell what's going on this time
Theres a stranger in my life

You're not the person I once knew
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do
Then they would see a stranger too

I'm home....

Man, I'm so tired... Exotic Dance is awesome fun! LoL... My thighs hurt like hell now.. =)

But I'm happy.. =) and tired..

Will blog tomorrow I guess.. When I'm less tired..

Have a great weekend!

Yesterday...

Lyrics:

I just can't believe you're gone
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side (ooh yeah)

When we had so much in store
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

Chorus:
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know (no no)
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away (oh oh), but they can never have yesterday

You always used to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or atleast how the story goes (but I never believed them 'til now)

I know i'll see you again i'm sure
No, it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night, one more day
One more smile on you face
But they can't take yesterday

Chorus:
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (no no)
They can take the music that we'll never play (they can take the music that we'll never play)
All the broken dreams (oh, my broken dreams)
Take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday (oh oh oh)
They can take the future that we'll never know (we'll never know)
They can take the places that we said we would go (huh oh oh)
All the broken dreams (all the broken dreams)
Take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever (but it wasn't our destiny)
'Cause in my mind, we had so much time
But i was so wrong
Now i can, believe that
I can still find the strength in the moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

Chorus:
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (ooh ooh)
They can take the music that we'll never play (no)
All the broken dreams (all the broken dreams)
Take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday (yesterday)
They can take the future that we'll never know (yeah ah)
They can take the places that we said we would go (that we said we would go)
All the broken dreams (all our broken dreams)
Take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday (they can never hace yesterday)

Ooooh...
(All the broken dreams take everything)
But they can never have yesterday

-----

Sometimes, I wonder.. Does he still think of me? The memories we had? Does he miss me? Knowing him, I don't think he does, but there's a little part of me who wants to believe he does.. That little part of me wants to believe that what we had meant something to him. That there were actual real feelings involved.

But the realistic me has to be strong for myself. Because of the way he treated me, the things he said to me and the hurt he dealt me, I must show him that I can go on without him. That whatever he did to me doesn't hurt me anymore.

But...

I still think about him. When I'm listening to sad songs. When I see/hear something that reminds me of him. When I'm out. When I'm home alone. When I'm lying in bed. When I'm at work.

Why is it so hard to forget? Sigh...

Anyways, enjoy the song. It's one of the best song out of Leona Lewis' album, Spirit.

Shugo Chara!

I'm still up!! It's 2.10 am.. And I'm still watching anime.. heehee..

But I can't help it because it is so cute and funny! If you like cutesy girly animes, go try this. =)

*Warning: People who doesn't like cutesy girly things may die of Overload of cuteness!

Rawr~!

I'm feeling soooooooo broke right now.. Simply having fun with my life and picking up the pieces which have been lost or gone during this long period of absence, as a friend would say.

Anyways, haven't really been doing much, just catching up with friends and did some shopping. And I realised that retail therapy is AWESOME! I've never had so much fun shopping and spending money. My body was kinda just running on 2 hours of sleep because I stayed out late the previous night and had work in the morning. Was totally tired and even fell asleep while waiting for Debs, but I managed to stay out until 8 in the evening.

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A hectic week ahead for me. Signed up for Exotic Dance on Thursday and I am so excited! Also scheduling gym time, because I like how you feel after, especially when you exercise all those muscles you never knew existed on your body which totally hurts but feels so good at the same time. Might be going for Yoga with mom on Wednesday night.

By the way, I've signed up for a Foundation Course on Biomedical Science and I got a spot! I'm so excited and happy! Gonna work hard for this damn thing. Feeling a little scared because I haven't studied for so long, and also the fact I've never taken human biology before. Good thing I have smart friends who I can look to for help. =)

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To everyone who has been concerned for me, I'm alright now. Everything will get better in time. *hugs* I'm learning to stand on my own feet and continuing on my journey. Thanks for all the concern and encouragements.

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Taken from the movie Kung Fu Panda, I love this qoute from Master WuGui: 'Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a Gift. That is why it is called The Present.'

Everyone have a great week ahead! I know I am. =)

Over and done with...

Just like the title said, I've had enough..

Dumped his stinky ass.

It's official! Mix of emotions but meh, who needs a relationship when you have friends all around you. =)

Lesson learnt. Time to move on now..

Karma sucks!

I'm beginning to think that all the things happening is due to karma.. I'm generally not a very nice person. I'm only nice if people are nice to me. I can be mean, even a bitch when I'm in that kind of mood. Must have been the things I did, the way I treat people, for karma to kick my arse so hard now. I can think of 1 person whom I was a total bitch to, and to that person, I'm so sorry for everything I did. Maybe you can never forgive me or forget what I did, but from the bottom of my tiny black heart, I'm truly sorry.

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The thought of being alone truly scares me. The emptiness you feel reverberating throughout is unbearable. Maybe that's why the disgustingly foolish part of me is still holding on to this silly farce of a relationship. I'm tired, so very very tired. But I have to keep going on. Because my life is never gonna end, even without anyone in my life.

One thing for sure is, I love life too much to wanna die for someone. =) I'll be honest and say I have entertained thoughts of suicide, but I know I'll never have the guts to do it.

He said he will have an answer for me by tomorrow. I dunno why I'm still waiting for him though.. I'm always doing stupid things when I'm around him. Love makes people stupid. So does hurt. And pain. Oh whatever.. I'm ranting now..

It's almost the weekend now, I hope everyone have a great weekend. =)

Today is...

The 2nd day. I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday. Was constantly having anxiety attacks, and towards the evening I just couldn't bear it anymore.. Was at work and feeling so tired and emotional, just I want to just crawl into a hole, cry and never come out.

But I felt better when I came back home. Was talking to all these frens I had on Msn who were concerned about me. I never knew I had so many frens who cared. =) And guess what, theres no more restrictions in my life now. So I can talk to and go out with whoever I want.

It's now time for me to walk forward, because my life doesn't stop. It's still going and I'm gonna keep going. =)

Thanks everyone who cared about me, and been there for me when I needed a hand to hold while I go through the darkest moments.

I hope I'm over the darkest moments as soon as possible, so I can be happy.

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Tattoo - Jordin Sparks


Lyrics:

oh oh oh

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later I get what I’m asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind

I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you (I'll always have you)

Sick of playing all of these games
It’s not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror didn’t deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I’ve gotta be strong and leave you behind

I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you (I'll always have you)

If I live every moment
Won’t change any moment
There's still a part of me in you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do, oh

I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothings broken (yeah)
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back got a new direction (don't look back)
I loved you once, needed protection (no, no)
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo

I can’t waste time so give it a moment (i can't waste time)
I realized nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done (no need to worry)
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at got a new direction (don't you ever look back)
I loved you once and I needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you

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Really like this song, especially the part where she says that she realises that nothing is broken. Maybe just my heart, but time heals all scars I hope. =) Enjoy... Have a great week ahead~!

Random thought - I feel like getting a small tattoo.. LoL.. Any idea what I should get? Heehee, comments are welcomed..

It's 3.12 am...

And guess wat.. I'm gonna take one step at a time..

Already prepared myself and I've lived without him for most of our relationship. I think I'm not gonna miss him too much. Because of him, I've lost my identity. Not totally his fault but god am I stupid to actually let that happen.

I have a plan in life now, whether or not he's in it. I'm not gonna be that pathetic girl that clings on to a dead relationship.

Because of all the things I know, I think I've been mind-fucked enough as it is. It's good that I found out about everything, because it helped me realise there's no point trying to make things work when he's giving up.

Since he's no longer interested, why stay...? I've shed my last tear for this relationship already..

I'm gonna embark on the rest of my journey.. with or without him...

And that is my final answer..

One Step At a Time..

Lyrics:

da da da um da da
da da da ba um da da
da da da um da da
da da da ba um da da

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

HOOK
You wanna show the world but no one knows yours name yet
Wonderin' when, where and how you're going to make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you getting all kinda impatient
Waiting, we live and we learn

CHORUS
To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time

da da da um da da
da da da ba um da da
da da da um da da
da da da ba um da da

You believe, and you doubt
You're confused, and got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

HOOK
You wanna show the world but no one knows yours name yet
Wonderin' when, where and how you're going to make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you getting all kinda impatient
Waiting, we live and we learn

CHORUS
To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time

When you can't wait any longer (you can't wait)
But there's no end in time (when you need to find the strength)
It's your faith that makes you stronger (the only way we get there)
The only way we get there
Is one step at a time

To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love (Falling in love)
It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time

One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love (Falling in love)
It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time

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Good song.. I love the heels too.. Yum~! All the videos cannot be put up.. So go to Youtube to check it out.. for the green heels... =)

Life sucks...

most of the times..

What you gotta learn to do though, is pick yourself up when life bitch-slaps u to the ground.

It's not easy, it's actually very hard. But I am going to make it. Because like a friend once said, trust no one to take care of you, but yourself.

It's good advise, and I'm gonna keep it in the center of my heart to remind me always.

=)

Messed up..

I feel so confused right now..

I've never felt like this before...

Should I keep trying....?