I almost.

Died today I suppose... I was 10cm away from getting hit by a truck... I felt indifferent to it, strangely, while my friends were totally in shock...

Well, if it's your time to go, it's your time...

So maybe today wasn't, so I can blog about and still talk to people.. =) I guess I have to be grateful for that...

But like I said, I'm feeling indifferent.. Just kinda numb.. Oh well, gonna go have a rest now.. Totally sleep-deprived now...

Have a good weekend! Driving lesson tomorrow.. Hope I get through it alive.. =P

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Sigh.. I'm spiralling again... And to think I was doing so well... Little things that I remember hurt.. Little things that I see hurt... I should just stop... I have friends who care, but still, why do I feel so alone...

I must learn not to cry anymore..

Rah~!

Things are starting to kinda strange around here... Especially when you're single.. =P

Cherry (who's a matchmaker at heart) is trying to matchmake me with her frens~!!!! And mom has been asking me, not so subtlely, to try and get a local BF..

What's so bad about being single? Lol.. Things are so weird, makes me feel so weird too...

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On another note, Des (an online friend) apparently has found someone he fancies.. Which I'm happy for because he really is a nice guy through and through.. =) After what happened previously, I think he really deserves a nice girl.. All the best, Des!

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I've been thinking of getting another tattoo, maybe when I get down to Sydney.. =P Sharlene was so right, it is addictive!! HAhahaha..

Anyways, have a good week everyone.. Mine's gonna be awesome-ly stressful~! Yippee...~

=)

I'm tired but happy..

I got flowers today from a friend telling me to take care of myself and get well soon.. And I love them because they are not the usual flowers people send.. It's a very me type of flowers, ordinary but hardy and pretty flowers... Thanks Kunni~!





I took out my password thing.. So people can catch up on wat's happening in my life, and how I feel I guess, without me having to explain it over and over again.. =)

How I'm feeling right now...

Rough English Translation:
At the Tokyo Tower, looking out for the first time
Looking at the lights, imitating the falling stars
I've finally arrived, but feel sadder than before
I've achieved our goal, on my own

You always say, there's still lots of time, that you will wait for me
I didn't understand before, that because there's a tomorrow, means there'll be a future

-Chorus-
Missing you is a pain that makes breathing hurts, it lives in every corner of my body
Humming the songs you love hurts, reading the letters you wrote hurts, even the silence hurts
Regret makes breathing hurts too, it flows back and forth in my blood
Regret for not caring enough hurts, hate for not understanding you enough hurts, Wanting to see you but can't hurts

Didn't see any sadness on your face
That is such a lonely stubbornness
You took away my safety wall, leaving me to roam on my own
Staying put, I bundled myself up
You never said, you might be weak too, and need me
I pretended I didn't know, moved freely, lived my own life

-Chorus-
Missing you is a pain that makes breathing hurts, it lives in every corner of my body
Humming the songs you love hurts, reading the letters you wrote hurts, even the silence hurts
Regret makes breathing hurts too, it flows back and forth in my blood
Regret for not caring enough hurts, hate for not understanding you enough hurts, Wanting to see you but can't hurts

I promise I will not lie anymore, the more I love you, the tighter I will hold you
My smile is all fake now, my soul feels like it's floating, but I'm ok when you're here
I promise I will not let you wait, I'll be with you for whatever you want to do
I'm more and more like a shell, afraid of human contact, but I'm ok when you're back

If only we can start all over again

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I'm sorry.. Maybe it's best this way.. It has been nice while it lasted.. All the best.. From the bottom of my heart...

Still sick...

and feeling more worst than before... I have now 2 more ulcers in my mouth, 1 on the lower side of my tongue and 1 on the side of my mouth... Also, I'm bruised and aching from my training..


My bruise.. Haha..

Right now, I'm feeling so numb and tired... I suppose that's a good thing, but I can still feel... Which is bad but well... At least I know I will fall asleep quick...

Anyways, I think I'll go off to bed.. So so tired...

Bleh...

I'm sick, tired and having my period.. What a way to end the week.. Bleh~!

There's many things I want to say.. But I can't and I won't... Things have been kinda rough lately, trying to cope with things.. I can feel myself losing interest in certain things..

So so tired...

Have a good week people..

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P.S. I dunno how this video will make you feel, but this 1 min video made me cry and smile.. =)
Warning: Contains kissing scene of the same gender...

I guess..

Birthdays are overrated... Other than the birthday wishes from your friends, the day is actually pretty much the same...

Same cranky mean people at work and same old routine...

I actually got cheated out of some money again by some guy begging for money.. Sigh, I've been giving out money a lot.. -.-"

Oh well... Other than that, same boring day I guess...

Just feel a little sad, cause the few more important people whom I consider good friends forgot about me... Making this day nothing special at all...

Sigh, oh well... I just got 1 year older, nothing to celebrate about.. People do grow old every year..

Note to self: Birthdays are of no special meaning... Bleah..

The honour of being..

The first one is....

Miss Debs Ong~!

Thanks Babe!!!

Day 1

Of going cold turkey.. =)

It's going pretty well I guess.. Trying not to think about him... And I cant check to see if he's online anymore because I took him off my list.. It's also good to have plans to look forward to, so you dun think so much..

I guess it all comes down to whether he still wants to be with me a not.. If he doesn't, I'm fine with his decision.. If yes then maybe we'll see.. I've realised my problem is that I tend to get sucked in too deep into things... Trying to un-suck myself right now, so I dun feel so emo all the time..

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Also, something strange happened today.. Some old man came up to me, told me a story about how he needed to get to the hospital and see the doctor there, and needed some cash to pay for transport.. I gave him $10 and felt very hmmm after... Cos I'm not sure if he's telling the truth, but I dun wanna be held responsible if he really is telling the truth, and I didn't help him.. So yea, I think of it as a good deed for the week I guess... Haha...

Work was alright, and my tests for this week is all over! I did pretty darn good and I'm so proud of myself.. =) Now to tackle the last lab report due tomorrow.. Hee... =P

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I'm thinking of lifting the password thing off my blog... Is it a good idea? I'm not too sure.. Wanna talk to someone about it, but I dunno who to talk about it to.. So I guess, leave me a comment, whoever you might be, if I should take the password thingy off my blog..

Much appreciated..

That's about it I guess.. Half the week is over already! Weekends soon! YAY!
Have an enjoyable rest of the week everyone~!

*hugs*

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-Updated at 1.20am Singapore timing-
I've been reading some of his old posts on his old blog.. And all I can say, maybe I'm just to inexperienced and young for a mature person like him.. I know he has many many girls who are around him most times.. He has many many experience with girls.. He has just alot more things than I do.. I'm starting to think too much again..

Maybe it's just me.. I'm the god damned freaking problem... Sigh...

Nights everyone..

I really dread..

Coming home nowadays.. Much as I would love to just come home and sleep away all my troubles, I cant.. Because I can't get to sleep...

I think too much, and I mope around...

Somehow, everything has gone back all the way to before when we were just normal acquaintance.. It feels just like when I was in an on-off relationship once... He feels like it, he calls.. He's busy, he doesn't call.. He wants to hang out with his homies, he doesn't call..

I'm confused... He says he likes me and all, but I dun feel anything like that from him anymore.. I'm starting to feel numb...

Guess I'll be like that too then.. Makes no sense for me to call him and tell him stuffs anymore.. Dunno why I keep falling into the hole that I keep digging for myself..

All I'm doing is getting myself hurt for no reason what so ever..

Whatever it is, I've set another course of my plans now.. And like I said previously, I'm gonna go ahead, on my own..

Apparently....

I'm a right brain dominant student...

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You probably get bored during long lectures and prefer to take classes with a lot of freedom of movement and thought. You like to write stories and even tell stories about your funny experiences.
You might be a little suspicious of other people's motives sometimes, but that's only because you can usually tell whenever someone is lying or when they're up to no good. You are a little on the dreamy side--or a lot.
You plan books or movie plots but you don't always follow through on things you think about. You should work on that.
You are fun and spontaneous, and probably active in sports or clubs. Your feelings run deep, and it shows. You have strong instincts, and you solve problems on hunches and feelings.
You are artistic in some way. You can believe in things based on experience, without seeing scientific proof. You might be a finalist on Survivor some day, since you know how to read people so well, and you have great survival instincts.
-----

That's pretty cool..

Sigh..

I hate it when I feel like that.. I have a test tomorrow and the day after, but I cant concentrate on studying at all.. I thought I would be fine, but I'm not..

A friend asked me if I had the choice to become a vampire, would I and I answered with a very definite yes. Then he goes on to tell me, because life is short and uncertain, which is why we have to enjoy what we have.

For me, even if it means being alone, I would gladly take it. Because to be human, you'll feel more, than when you're a vampire. Less hurt, less lonely and less pain..

What more could you ask for?

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I dunno how you can do it, but I dun think I can do it anymore.. Much as I would wanna make it work and be with you as fast as I can. I dun think I can go through this period anymore. It's getting harder and harder for me to not care when you dun talk to me, or even be there when I need you.

This is so much more different than when we were still friends. At least you cared more. Right now, since you have so much on your mind.. Maybe it's time you stop worrying about me..

I will be fine..

The 3 little monsters...

came by today... Omg, they have grown up so quickly too.. I'm starting to feel old..

I kinda miss them in a way, but kinda glad I have my own space now though.. Maybe hanging out maybe once a week is fine.. Also, they've gone into the 'teenager' stage of life, and maybe we'll have more in common, I guess...

I reckon, I'm a pretty cool cousin.. =P


My cousins from left to right: Tabatha (Tabby), Sue-Ann, Seraphina (Sera)

The 3 girls are gonna be heartbreakers when they reach adulthood.. Hope they will be good girls and not make any bad choices along the way...

Somtimes...

I wonder how do people jump from 1 relationship to another so quickly...

Does that mean the previous relationship meant nothing to them? Or just that they don't care? Or that they just want someone to be with them?

Also, the phenomenon that went from a TV series, to a book and now a movie has been splashed all over the news...

The quote from the tv series 'Sex in the City' is now a movie, starring Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Aniston etc...

But then again, the quote does make sense..



Have a great weekend guys..

Just came back...

From my Thai boxing training, and boy am I tired... Tough training today I must say... And I'm feeling the strain everywhere.. Met up with some of Sharlene's friends after that for some food and drinks...

Now I'm home, feeling tired and itchy..

Been a long day today, cos I did meet up with Debs for lunch and it was a looong lunch, considering we went at the start of the buffet and left 30 mins before they closed. =P

Here are some pics I took of the food I had..

My appetizers.. Sashimi, salads and sushi


Some seafood... Love the tempura fish and fried leek flowers..


Some paper soup thingy.. All vegetable here...


The pretty pretty flames... =)


Ginseng Chicken Soup, Tempura and Cold Soba Noodles


The last and final part of the meal, Desserts!

It was pretty fun, since I haven't had so much time in a long while to do what I like..

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On another note.. I miss him... =(

I dunno if he misses me, but I really do miss him a lot.. We've spent less time talking now and it just feels weird..

I think about him, wondering if he thinks about me too..

Maybe I'm thinking too much.. Maybe it's a good thing.. Maybe we're meant just to be friends...

It's just that, whenever I'm home, I look to see if he's on.. When I log onto my email, Im hoping he sent me an email.. When I look at my phone, I wish he would call, or send me something..

Somehow, it feels like I have 2 best friends who are too busy for me.. But then again, that's how life is.. Everyone have their lives and it's more important than mine..

I'll be fine... I always am...

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Good night everyone.. Have a great weekend!

OK...

So here's a pic of the peeling, flaking tattoo.. =P
I think you can see it pretty clearly that it's totally flaky..


I've been dropping dead skin cells everywhere I went today.. It's like I said, kinda cool in a disgusting way.. I'm loving my tattoo everyday.. Having mixed reactions everywhere from people I know, mostly good.. But then again, as long as I love it, who cares wat others think? As long as the people I care most about thinks it's cool, that's all that matters to me. =)

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I've gone nuts and rented like 5 arty farty type movies, and since I have tomorrow off.. Gonna polish a few off.. Just finished watching Silk (starring Keira Knightley) and now watching Jasmine Women (starring Joan Chen and Zhang Ziyi).. So far so good.. A dose of culture for me.. =)

Aight, that's enough update for this week.. Have a great weekend people!

I'm starting to..

Heal up..

My tattoo is healing up very nicely.. Not painful anymore, it has started to flake. Yes, you read it right.. It's starting to flake.. It's kinda awesome in a gross kinda way, and I will post pics when I get the chance later.. Oh, and it's starting to itch too! OMG!

Also, on Valentine's day, I will be having an early birthday party with my friends. I havent had a party in years.. In some ways, looking forward to it.. Just dreading the thought of growing yet another year older..

That's about it for now.. =) Post post again when I get inspiration...

Have a great weekend! Mine starts tomorrow!

I hate it when..

People promises you something, or says something, and it doesn't happen.. It makes you disappointed and I hate disappointment... And it hurts more when it's someone you care about doing something like that... Verbal hurt are definitely more painful compared to physical.. At least your body will heal up in time, whereas the heart takes a longer time to.. And little things can rip the wound up again...

It's harder for me, to try to be normal...When I know it's not normal, and the things I want cannot come true.. I'm like the Sleeping Beauty who will never wake up because my prince will never be able to find me.. Because maybe one way or another, I'm meant to sleep for eternity and never wake up to live a life with anyone...

Oh well, maybe fate wants me to be alone... I'm gonna have to get used to it... Just that it gets so god-damned lonely at night when you have time to think and can't sleep... Doesn't help that I'm listening to sad songs too.. Lol...

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On a side note, I'm finally inked up. =) That's like the 1 thing that has cheered me up a little.. It hurt like hell, but well worth all the pain I had to go through... Here's like 3 pictures taken at different process....


Just the outlines...


Shading next...


The final masterpiece...

My tattoo artist is very good too.. He made it really quick, cos I was in pain, and he free-handed my tattoo, and added details, colours... =P It was bigger than I intended it to be, and wasn't on my back like I wanted it to.. But he gave good advice and did wat he felt would be a much better tattoo for me..

Btw, my bro is the world's most awesomest person.. In my life... He tagged along with me, and held my hand while I went through the whole thing... =) Thanks so much, Wolfie! And I think, for someone who hates needles, I did considerably well.. I remember just concentrating on my breathing the whole time to get me through the process..

That's it for this week.. Hope everyone have a good one, stay safe, take care of yourself and remember to tell the people you care about how much they mean to you..

P.S. I know I'm kinda pudgy, I blame the CNY non-stop snacking and eating!!