Feels like...

The worst day of my life today..

I dunno why, but today feels like a 'Let-all-Yell-at-Ivy' day. It started first thing in the morning after I woke up.

Sigh..

Seems like everyone is taking me for granted in the house. I'm feeling super tired as it is, but I have to do some many things which apparently is still not enough in my mom's opinion. My mom even commented that it looks as if I'm renting the house from them and not a part of the family considering I do not help around the house.

That's just crap, because as far as I know, I chip in for the utility bill, help with dinner, wash the dishes and help with laundry. Hell, I'm even paying my own bills, which I've been doing ever since I started working full-time. That's more than what my free-loader brother does, but he's got a free pass cause he's a boy, and the favourite in the family.

Everyone can see that my parents favour my brother more than me, except for my mom. She thinks I'm jealous. I'm just angry he gets free passes all the time, whereas I try so hard to prove myself and all I get is crap from her.

Grrr.. Not a great day for me..

Plus I have a sick person to look after, so that's another ungrateful cranky person giving me crap.

Also, that time of the month is upon me. So I'm starting to be cranky and emotional as hell. Which sucks big time..

Maybe I really just need time and space to myself. Clear my head a little. I really need a place of my own. Somewhere away from the family..

Feeling so tired sometimes, all I wanna do is to crawl into a hole and never come out..

Maybe just mood swings..

I'll be better tomorrow.. I guess...

Anyways, have a great Sunday everyone.

P.S. Really happy for a friend who has finally found someone special. You deserve to be happy, being the greatest person ever, in my opinion. Wish you both happiness and bliss~! =P

Complicated

Sorry I haven't been posting..

Things have been a little complicated and yet simple at the same time..

A lot has been going through my mind. Haven't been sleeping well cause of the things running through my mind when I'm trying to fall asleep. I never used to have that problem as far as a year ago. I guess as people grow up, so does their responsibilities and the things that worry them.

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A small update about what I've been up to:

- Tried to apply for a flat but was unsuccessful. So just gonna keep looking and trying. If we're lucky, might be able to get a place maybe in 3-4 years time.

- Gonna be going back to driving. After a 3 months hiatus, I've completely lost touch with everything to do with a car.. Haha..

- Waiting for my diploma to start. It's in Feb 2011, and somehow it seems so far and yet so near. I'm having a bit of nervousness about the course. I hope I dun do too bad. Worst would be me being super lazy. I've never really been a person who can motivate herself. =P

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The thing about parents is that we'll always sorta be their babies forever. There's many different types: the coddling ones (who still does your laundry and make you dinner even in your 30s), the encouraging ones (who can make you believe you truly can succeed in whatever you wanna be) and the ambitious ones (who signs you up for music/dance/acting/foreign languages etc lessons).

And then there's my parents. My dad doesn't really care about what I become cause I am a girl. And that means eventually, I will get married and be out of his hair by then. My mom is very mood-oriented when it comes to dealing with us kids. If she's a bad mood, she scolds/complains/nags at everyone. If she's in an awesome mood, she'll be laughing/buying stuffs/having fun with you.

I guess I'm like that to a certain extent. But the only difference is, I'm very protective about what I call mine. That includes my room, my lifestyle, my friends and my boyfriend. As much as I want to protect what is mine, sometimes she does get to them.

I know in some ways she cares for me, but her words tend to be harsh, almost to the point where she will draw blood when she strikes to win. You'll feel like the lowest scum ever to exist in this world and you'll hate everyone for it.

So what does one do, when she's criticises your boyfriend? Would you tell him? Or keep it from him to protect him from the mental torture?

For me, I always tell the truth because in a way, I hoped he would take it as a feedback, and try to do better. But being a stubborn man, he gets angry. After being with my mom for all my life, the only way to diffuse the whole situation and get her off my back, is to pretend and play-act in front of her. That's how me and my brother survived. So that's what I suggested him to do to get her off his back.

My bf however, hates doing that. He thinks if you were to do something, why should you do it so ppl can see. He doesn't understand it as self-preservation and it's hard for me to explain when he doesn't get it. I feel he's not trying hard enough but then again, nothing is ever good enough for my mom.

I love my mom, dun get me wrong, but she's so frustrating sometimes in her thinking, it kills me. Like I wanna shake her so hard until she gets it.

Sigh...

It's late and I'm tired. Sorry if this post didn't make sense.. Just needed to get it off before I go to bed..

Anyways...

Have a good week everyone.. Take care~!

Clumsy

So, you people who read my blog knows how clumsy I can get..

Today, while preparing dinner, I had 2 accidents.

Both accidents are 'corn'-related..

First, while trying to break a whole cob of corn into 2 pieces, I accidentally sliced my finger. I have a cut there now, and it's not so bad considering I have a waterproof plaster on it now.

Second, while trying to fish the cooked corn out onto a dish, it accidentally slipped and dropped onto my lap.

I'm telling you this because I have this burn mark pattern on my thigh that is super hilarious looking.

Here's the picture.

Corn-burn~!

Haha, so cool in a sadistic type of way right? This is the most awesome burn mark I have ever had. =)

Anyways, time for me to go to bed.. Have a great week every one..

Brownie..

I'm super craving for some brownies now, so I have no mood to blog.

I have a few topics in mind to write up actually, but that time of the month is upon me, and all I wanna do is eat and be lazy, because of the stupid cramps.

So I think I should be ok to blog by this week.

Sorry for ignoring this space..

Hope everyone is well and fine~!

Spring?

I just read Cherry's post on Spring, which is her favourite season. I wished I knew how Spring is like.

Living in Singapore, we also have 4 seasons: Hot and humid, hot and dry, wet and humid, wet and cold.

The first time I went to Sydney, it was Summer I think. It was in March, so I dunno what season it was. Anyways, I liked it, because the sun was scorching hot, BUT there was a nice clean cold breeze to cool us off. Unlike in Singapore, the sun is scorching hot, but there's no breeze at all..

Sigh..

I miss Australia. I wanna go for a holiday there again and meet all my super friends.. Haha..

Maybe next year, if it's possible. Not sure if travelling can be fit into the next 3 years, considering I'll be starting my diploma and then working non-stop. But I can still hope.

On to other topics, Eric (Belmore from WoW) is coming to Singapore this week.. Haha, did not meet him before in real life the last 2 times I was in Sydney, so I'll be hanging out with him tomorrow. Haha.. Not sure where to bring him though, cause when I go out, I go shopping with girls.. Haha..

But we are definitely gonna eat non-stop! Local food, here we come!

That's about it for now. =)

Have a great week everyone..

Annoyance

It annoys me to no ends, when you watch movies depicting history and you realise that it was a common practice for men back then to have mistresses and concubines.

Look at the French and English court, whereby a King can be married to his Queen, but visiting their ladies-in-waiting every single night. The Chinese Emperor and his hundreds of concubines. Even if they are not royalty, if men can afford it, they too can have mistresses and concubines.

Were there no such thing as monogamy back then?

Good thing we women have come a long long way, and DEMAND monogamy from our partners. Makes me feel proud and strong when women are now able to demand divorce when their other half cheats. Also makes me proud that some laws help us by making sure the guy gives us alimony, especially if there are kids involved.

Grrr...

Rant over~!

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Nothing much has been happening to me. My brother finally passed his driving test and is a legal driver now. Haha.. Dad bought a new manual car that we get to use once his Evo 10 is fixed. =P

So I'm working hard towards getting my licence end of this year I hope.

For my dieting, I haven't been doing much. But I have cut down on my food intake, drinking more water, eating my supplements and squeezing in some exercise when I'm not too lazy.

That's about it.

Hope you people have a good week ahead..

It's time..

For drastic actions...

Another month has gone, and I've put on another kilogram. I thought I still had that fast metabolism that has been with me through my teenage years. Evidently, it has left me. So it's time for me to start dieting and to start my hard core exercise regime.

Gonna go get myself a new swimming suit tomorrow, then the schedule starts next week! Running in the evenings and swimming in the mornings...

Goal is to shave off the 6 kgs by the start of November. I've been falling sick a lot too.. Maybe it's because of the unhealthy lifestyle I have been living. I just got well last week from a bout of throat infection, and now, my throat is starting to hurt again. Need to get my health back together. Been feeling super tired daily, even when I've had a full 8 hours of beauty sleep. And my complexion has taken a bad turn too.. Looks like I need to start back on my vitamins and supplements.

Really need to start taking care of myself. So easy to tell people what they should do when you can't even follow your own advise. Ha!

Also, my back has been bugging me for the past few months. I really should go see a chiropractor for it, but it's gonna cost so much and I'd rather not spend the money on medical fees.

Oh well, that's all the update I have.. Wind-drying my hair now so I can sleep soon.

Have a safe week everyone. =)

Family

I seriously need to get it off my chest..

You either like or dislike them.

For me, most times, it's dislike.

I can't help but feel my mom hates me. Like I'm not hers.

Like because I am a girl, I am useless and therefore less important compared to my brother.

She doesn't encourage me, doesn't give me support. Always putting me down, and making me feel like crap. And when she's in a bad mood, I'm conveniently the one she vents it on.

When I help out at home, she takes it for granted. When I do nothing, she screams at me and says she's not the maid. She's constantly trying to get rid of me from the house because I mess it up, according to her.

I am the only person who helps her out at home. I help to wash the dishes whenever there are some in the sink. I help to vacuum and mop the floor once in a while. I help her when she's cooking. I help cook for the family when she's at work. I am the other person who does more work around the house than the rest of the family.

And I get shit constantly everyday.

Sometimes, I just wanna run away from this house as soon as possible. See if she needs me then, when there's no one around to help her.

GRRRR...

Rant over...

I still feel quite sad though.

I will never ever be like that to my children. I will treat them equally whether they be boy or girl. And I will always be close to them, and say I love them all the time..

Elated!!!

So.... Remember the side project I've been hinting about? I didn't really wanted to tell anyone cause I didn't wanna be super disappointed when I do not get into it. I just got a reply back and....

I am going back to school!

I've enrolled in the Diploma in Pastry and Bakery Arts! So happy!

I will start classes next year, and I can't can't wait!

The School I've enrolled in is pretty reputable in Singapore, with their graduates working in hotel kitchens all over Singapore. And Singapore do have great hotels..

So anyways, it's a good thing the course will be heavily subsidised by the Government, or I would have to shell out 23k for a 17 months course. Not sure how much subsidy though, but more than half, that I am sure of.

After almost a month of waiting, I can relax and wait for school to start now. =)

Finally I can pursue my dreams! Hopefully eventually, I can open my own cafe! Heehee.. But first, I need to get that Diploma!

Hope you guys have a great remaining week. I know mine just became better.. =P

Sometimes...

You know how it is, when you get into a relationship.. People stop calling to ask you out because 9/10 times the answer would be no.

Sigh, I dunno if it's possible but sometimes the longer we are together, the further we seem to be drifting away. We fight over little things and we dun do much stuffs together anymore.

Is it how it's supposed to be like? Or do we need to both work hard at it to prevent something like this from happening?

Oh noes.. I have been sucked in~!

So, out of curiosity, I decided to watch Twilight: New Moon. Gosh, worst idea ever..

Because now, I've been sucked into it..

Sigh, can you imagine being Bella? With 2 hunk-i-licious guys fighting for you. I would totally go for Edward, because I would so love to be a vampire, even though Robert Pattinson is not my idea of how Edward should be.

But Taylor Lautner is super super hot too... His body.. *drools*

Haha...

This is gonna be random but while trying to download Twilight: Eclipse, I found a porn movie titled This isn't the Twilight Saga.. Lol..

I think if they made vampire porn, it would be so totally awesome for me... Hahaha..

Just a thought.. =P

Anyways, have a great weekend guys.. =P

Bad Kitchen Day

Sigh, I'm having a bad kitchen day today.. =(

I made muffins, and they turn out awful..

I accidentally dipped my finger into hot oil.. And I touched the hot tray while testing whether the muffins are done.

I feel like crap....

What's happening!?!?!?!?

Maybe I'm just tired...

Nothing really...

Just thought I'd do some blogging..

I was gonna make use of the overripe bananas I had to bake some banana muffins tonight.

Little did I know, after preparing the ingredients needed for the muffins, that my main ingredient would be so super ripe that the insides are black and soggy while they are still in the skins itself. What the hell is that...

Oh well, better luck with the next batch of overripe bananas...

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Also, I saw pictures of an ex. And he looks.... Hmmm.... What's the word... I dunno.. Mixed feelings seeing his pictures, considering I have nothing left of him at all.. Either all thrown away, or sent back to him.

Anyways, the only feeling I have is the happiness I got from the sweet revenge I got from him. All not my doing btw, but brought on by his own silly self and karma.

=)

Life is good. Haha.. Have a good week people!

Blind

It's so true that Love makes people blind.

It's quite hard when you read about people going through breakups or finding out what they had was all a lie. It's hard because I've gone through it all, and I can still remember the feeling of being so low, and feeling like you are gonna just die of heartbreak. Good thing to know that I have a good support base who helped me through it all. Starting from learning how to pick myself up and regaining control of my life. That effort totally made it worthwhile, especially when I finally got my revenge back. Haha, that will be a story for another time.

Was reading Mooiness' post and I agree with him. Sometimes, it's better to have not loved because then when it's all over, the fall will not be as bad. But then, if you have not taken the leap and loved someone else back, would you have missed out on anything?

Falling in love and entrusting your heart and soul to someone else takes courage. I will do it all over again if I ever had a chance to go back, because I think of it as a learning experience and I would have done a few things differently.

Been listening to Jason Derulo's album and this song is stuck in my head. Which is why I did a post surrounding this song. Hope you like it.

Blind - Jason Derulo

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On another note, since I've been bitten by the baking bug, I might do more baking this coming week. Will post pictures of finished products if I remember..

Have a good week everyone. I'm gonna go to bed now, feeling super tired and sore because Clumsy Me had a great fall again this afternoon. Gonna have a huge ass bruise on the arm!

Incidentally, it's the hungry ghost festival this month too... Be wery wery careful ok, guys!

Starcraft!

No, I did not buy it. I went to a lan shop and played it. It was fun, but I totally suck at it.. My hands move too slowly, and while everyone has started their attacks and finishing the game, I'm still happily building my base away in my little heaven. Haha..

But seriously, the graphics are so cool and nice. Nice game, but too expensive to buy it and play at home. Also, I refuse to be addicted to another game. Haha..

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Been busy past 2 weeks, baking chicken pies! I finally bought a pastry cutter and having fun making homemade pies from scratch. So far, my pies has been successful. Next up, making puff pastry!

My days have been pretty busy past few weeks. I've been making progress on a little assignment I've been doing. Hope everything goes well, and I can finally complete the little assignment.

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Also, I need to start losing weight too. I have gained 5 kilos in 1 year. I constantly feel fat, and all my clothes are starting to not fit. Sigh. I just went for a slow jog, and I feel like a jellyfish now.

Oh well, PERSEVERE~!

That's all from me I guess. Have a happy week!

P.S. I realize how fun Starcraft can be, but guys... Update your blogs please.. =P

That is all.. Haha..

Big Bang Theory!

Lol, it's 1.44am now, and I'm still awake baking chicken pies for my buddy, Debs and my BF..

Haha, good thing I can sleep in tomorrow.. So anyways, I've been hooked onto Big Bang Theory.. It's so freaking hilarious! Haha... Plus, those guys play WoW! Funny stuff..

Sheldon is my favourite! He looks super super cute and has zero social skills, which makes it super endearing to me.. Haha..

With a face like that, how can you not like him.. Haha..

Have a great week everyone!

Handle with Care

I just bought and finished my first Jodi Picoult book last week. I must say, super super sad story. She specialises in novels that questions morals.

For example, the book with the same blog title which I bought, it's about this young girl named Willow who was born with a brittle bone disease. The family is already struggling financially as it is. So the mother, Charlotte decides to sue the doctor for wrongful birth., meaning if she had known earlier about the disease, she would have aborted the baby. Even though everyone will judge her and hate her, if she won, she would have enough money to ensure that Willow would be able to have the best care she can afford in the world. But the doctor she is suing, is Charlotte's best friend.

What would you do?

It's such a case of, I wouldn't know what I would do if I were in the situation type thing. Throughout the whole novel, the characters kept going playing the 'What if?' games. Life is so unpredictable and full of challenges. How does one really cope when you're already burdened with problems as it is?

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Anyways, on a lighter note, I downloaded Jason Derulo's new album and I must say, it's pretty good. There's a song in there titled 'Riding Solo' which totally suits people who just got out of a relationship. This song celebrates being single and being able to go through the phase after breakup.

Hope you enjoy it!

Movies

Sorry for the lack of posts but I've been catching up on a lot of movies, both old and new for the past 2 weeks.. =)

Staying at home is one of the downside of being broke. Lucky for me, I have the internet, which means.. FREE MOVIES, right in the comfort of your own bed. =P

So, here is a list of the movies I watched:

Kick Ass - Awesome movie, imo.. The story itself was with good intentions, but was a bit twisted. But I somehow really really enjoyed it. Funny too.. Haha.. I really recommend this show.

The Mighty Ducks (3 movie series) - I love old skool cheesy movies like these. Back then, all movies were so simple, enjoyable and totally non-sexual.. Haha..

The Private Lives of Pippa Lee - I liked it, the story-telling was very interesting. Hopping from the present, to the past and back again. I also like the people in it. Keanu Reeves was so hawt with that tattoo, and Blake Lively (from Gossip Girl) was really good in the movie.

The A-Team - Hmmm.. I have mixed feelings about this one.. I thought it was alright.. A very macho man/explosions everywhere type action movie. Not my cup of tea..

Girl, Interrupted - I enjoyed it. Left me wanting more though, wondering about the individual characters.

Despicable Me - This one, I caught in the cinema. Surprisingly very funny and good. I usually steer clear away from animated movies unless they are from Pixar, because most of them really sucked in terms of story and humour, but this one here, is a winner! Lame and cute and sometimes, makes you go 'Awwwwwwwwwww......'. Must watch!

Anyways, that;s about it I guess. I'm not a very good movie reviewer, as you can tell from the above descriptions, but I hope it helps.. Haha...

Till next time! Take care!

Major sucks...

Sigh.. I failed my driving test today.. Major major SUCKS!

I had a cry over it..

No one to blame I guess.. My own mistakes, brought on by nerves and lack of sleep... Oh well..

Better luck next time...

Lazy weekend!

So, like the title says, nothing much done for the weekend. Except for the usual relaxing stuffs, like laundry, movie and cooking. =)

Went for yumcha on Saturday with Baobao and finally satisfied my 2 month old craving. Haha.. After the yumcha, went to watch RepoMan (starring Forest Whitaker and Jude Law). The movie was not bad, lots of action.. The ending is a bit twisted though. And lots of blood and gore.. Jude Law is pretty hawt too, lean and tattooed.. Too bad he's a cheater.

Went home after that and slacked in front of the PC till it's time for bed.

Woke up this morning and had another lazy day too, spent in bed, rolling around like a slug in a cabbage patch. Haha.. Did the laundry and some cooking.

Ever notice how time flies when you are having fun or not doing anything, just relaxing? Sigh, this awesome weekend just flew past.. Bleah, back to work for me tomorrow..

My driving test is this Friday, I am starting to get the jitters.. Sigh.. Help! Gonna have lessons scheduled for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday morning. Really really hope I pass first time.

That's all from me today. Hope you guys had an awesome weekend, and a great week ahead! Take care!

MilkTea

So, here's a post about MilkTea. 1 of my new hammies, the female..

She was born on the 12 Feb 2010, and I got her from a home breeder. She is super cute and fluffy.. She is also super energetic and loves to eat! Her goal in life is to become an explorer, which she does quite often when I take her out of her cage to play with her. She also likes to chew on wires and bra straps.

She has this little cube toy that I bought for her, made out of ceramic and has a hole cut out on each sides except for the bottom, which she likes to sleep inside and pop her head out of the top hole just to look at you when you walk past.

She has a really keen sense of smell because whenever I feed Mantou first instead of her, she will hang onto the side of her cage, eagerly awaiting her nomnoms. Although she is younger than Mantou by 6 days, she is heavier and chubbier than he is.

She has this trick, whereby she tries to act 'cute' so that she will not get into trouble, or try to beg a treat from me. I love this tiny fluff ball of trouble, because she is such a joy to me.

Here's some pictures of her.. =P Enjoy!

On the first day I got her. In this picture, she is grooming herself. Look how soft and fluffy her baby fur is... SO NICE!!


I grabbed her really tight, so that she would be still for this picture. Same first day, and she is still trying to get used to me as her owner.. =P


A week after being with me, in her nice new cage. Here, I just gave her a carrot slice and she's happily munching away.. She doesn't do this anymore, cause she just stuffs food into her cheek pouches to eat later..


Here, her cheek pouches are full of broccoli. Haha.. I love this picture, cause she looked like she got caught stealing food!

These series of pictures were taken just last week.

Having a blast manuvering in and out of my blanket.


Oh no, I got spotted!


Look at that cute furry butt!


Noooo!!! I did not chew the wire!! I swear!!!

Lol, that's all the mischief for now. =)

Update

Ok, so nothing much has happened after the previous post.. But I feel like I should post something descriptive..... About the crazy weather in Singapore for the past few weeks...

Here's my account for today:
Imagine waking up to a nice sunny morning, with cool breeze, and hitting the showers before starting your day.. After getting ready, you venture out onto the streets to go about your business for the day.. The temperature has risen a few degrees up, and the sun is shining mercilessly on you, the roads has heated up and you can see dust flying about and heatwaves being emitted from the concrete floors... When you reach the train station, you are soaked in your own sweat.. Getting onto the air-conditioned train is a huge relief, albeit a short-lived one as you have to get off after 2 stops..

The sun, which was smiling down on you before, is now hidden behind an huge omnimous group of black clouds.. Once you get into the car to start your driving lesson, it starts to drizzle a little.. The rain lasts for only about 15 mins... After you are with the lesson, you head back onto the streets.. The heat hits you and you start to sweat again... Because of the small amount of rain, the weather has become a lot worst.. Hot, humid, dusty and with your clothes sticking to your body, it's unbearable... And your day has only just started....
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What I just described is a normal day in Singapore.. Just last week, there was so much rain, it flooded Orchard Rd, which is like the shopping district of Singapore.. A really branded boutique, Hermes, was completely flooded..

Sigh, I think we have really screwed up the entire environment with our pollution... I think the end of the world is gonna happen sooner than expected.. I only hope I will not be around to see it happen to me...

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That's about it for today.. =P

Take care of your healths!

I should blog...

Harlo...

I realised how dead my blog is.. And also with people asking me to blog, I guess I will do it then... Just a short one though, cause nothing much to really talk about..

After that really emo post like 2 months ago, my mood has been better.. No more emo-ness..

I've been busy working hard, and learning how to drive. My driving test date will be on the 9th July, which coincidentally is my father's birthday. I really hope I would be able to pass, because it would mean I wouldn't have to spend so much more on lessons and the test, and also as a gift for my dad. Haha... But the most important factor would be the moolah, since the lessons are totally burning a big fat hole in both my pockets.

My 2 new hammies, Milktea and Mantou are growing fat and chubby, just the way I like my hammies.. Haha, although I like the female more, cos she's more lovable and fat compared to the boy, and smells so much nicer.. Haha..

As for the everything else, it's pretty much the same... Although I'm thinking of making some major decisions for the future.. But I will blog about when the time comes I guess..

That's about it I guess.. I will update more frequently (hopefully) so as to let you know how I've been and what mischief I've been up to.. =P

That's all from me, for now~!

Slipping..

I feel like I am slipping... Into a dark abyss.. Not really the bottom, but feeling quite down lately..

I have all these negative feelings bottled up inside me, and I seriously hate it. I can do something about it, but the negativity is just crushing down on me.

I've identified a few of the problems that is contributing to the way I feel, but it just seems to much for me to change in a short time.

For one, I feel like an under-achiever. Seeing all my friends doing well in life, makes me feel very inferior to them. Seeing them so happy in their lives and thoroughly motivated to become better, makes me feel less motivated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut with no future prospects for me. I feel really depressed about it and I know I can do something about it, but the negativity just becomes more over-whelming and makes me have short panic attacks/bursts of emotions and I just cannot handle it.

Another problem I know is, I feel like my whole life, I have been waiting. Waiting for everything to come my way. I hate this situation I am in, and even after waiting, things don't usually go my way.

Sigh, I feel so tired lately. What with the bad dreams plaguing me at night, my inadequecies at almost everything I do. Also, doesn't help that I'm not talking to anyone, because I can't really relate how I am feeling properly into spoken language. So I keep it to myself, make myself feel worst, and I cry. Seems to be the only thing that helps nowadays, it is to cry and not say anything.

I am tired.. Of everything...

What
should
I
do
?

When things happen...

It's always sad when couples are no longer together.. It's even sadder if you know the couple personally.

I have come to realize that people are evil. Sometimes, the most unlikeliest person can do the most evil things to another human being.

Human beings can also do evil things to themselves, and cause self harm.

I guess when someone is feeling down and low, they feel like they are all alone and nothing can help them. But when you hear about people who has gone through worst and lived to tell their story, in hopes of inspiring someone and helping them, it makes you become stronger.

I hope I will continue to be inspired and learn to become stronger.

Pros and cons..

Sometimes, I feel life would be much easier and simpler when one is single. There are many things a single person will not have to worry about when one isn't in a relationship.

But then again... When one is single, there is a lot of things they cannot get from being in a relationship..

Maybe it's true what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. But when you get to the other side, you might feel that, your side was probably just as good as the other side..

Sigh..

How can people feel loved and unloved at the same time?

Highs and Lows

A friend once commented that I am a very emotion-driven person. When I am happy, I am all the way on the top.. But when I feel down, I really feel like I hit rock bottom..

So I said goodbye to my dear friend today at his funeral. There were so many people present. If only he would pick up the phone and call any 600 of us to talk. But he already made his choice, and there's nothing we can do. I feel so sad for his family, and the people who loved him, including our circle of friends, who have been crying our eyes out ever since we found out.

Makes you evaluate what is truly important in your life and what's not. Maybe if he learn not to care so much, he might not feel like he's all alone, and do something drastic.

Because I am emotionally driven, sometimes when I feel down, I do feel like taking my own life. But I know I could never do it, because of all the people I love. However, if I were sick with depression, maybe all I can think of is to end everything to solve all my problems.

Sigh, seeing a friend leave us so early, makes me sad.

Maybe I should learn to numb myself. If I'm numb, I will not hurt as much. Getting hurt by the people you love is probably the most devastating thing that can happen to another human being.. And if I dun get hurt, I will be alive..

R.I.P My dearest friend, Tze Xian

A friend of mine ended his life today.

Many emotions are going through me now. Disbelief and anger are the most prominent ones. However, he made his choice and there's nothing anyone can do now but to respect his choice.

We used to be really close friends, but then circumstances changed but we still catch up once in a while. He was always a happy-go-lucky person like me. No matter what happens, he will always have this cheeky smile on. Whether he be emo or neutral. He loved to sing, and he loved to sing songs that are full of longing for love.

There's a lot of what ifs going on in our circle of friends who knew him. Why he did what he did, and how we could all have helped to prevent this ending. But I think he already decided what he wanted to do.

Since nothing can be undone, all I can say to him is...

To my dearest Tze Xian,

Even though we haven't been friends for a long time, I will always treasure our special friendship. I will sincerely miss all your smiles, your laughter, your silly grins and I will miss all the times we shared.

I hope that where ever you are right now, you have found peace from what you were trying to run away from. I think God must have needed you right away, which is why he took you away from us.

But I know, I will see you again eventually. So I will be waiting for that day, when I will get to meet you again. We will have so much to catch up on. =)

You will always be in my heart because of the friendship I have with you.

A friend who will truly miss your company,
Inky

Disgusted

I am thoroughly disgusted by cheating spouses.

A local semi-famous and pretty respected film director in Singapore, who is married for 27 years and has 4 kids with her, has been exposed by the mistress. He has admitted to the 2 year affair with a model who is less than half his age. An article about it can be seen here.

If there is anything I really hate, it's cheating spouses. By cheating on your other half, you are breaking the promise you made to her when you first get married. If there's any kids involved, it would be making a fool out of the family.

What's more, the model is not that much of a looker. She is just young and thinks that she is hot. I don't understand how some home-wrecker can become famous overnight.

I can never trust an infidelity from my partner. Firstly, I will never be able to forget and forgive him. Secondly, I will always envision them in my head while they are together, and laughing at me for being a fool. Thirdly, I will never be able to trust him around females again.

So if anything were to happen, it would be the end of everything we had. Whether married or with kids, I will still leave.

Sigh, rant over..

Off to get some sleep now..

Nites everyone and have a good week ahead!

A series of unfortunate events

This is what I can piece together from the circumstances leading to her untimely demise.

The little Bum, who constantly has prison break on her mind, succeeded a 2nd time on the fateful morning of 23rd February. Somehow, making her way into my kitchen, she found a hole that leads to a covered pipe, which is connected to the sinks. Being a hoarder by nature, I guessed she somehow explored the kitchen area and picked up food which she proceeded to bring back to her nice snug hole.

That same afternoon, my mom was in the kitchen and was doing some dishes when suddenly, water gushed out of that hole my Bum called her new home, because apparently, Bum got the pipe STUCK! Trying to stop the water from flowing, she saw a wet head pop out and immediately thought: 'RAT!'.

Well, what happened next was, my mom (armed with a plastic bag to protect her hand and to use as a glove) picked the Bum up, and threw her into the rubbish chute outside, all the while thinking it was a black, smelly ugly rat.

Sigh... Imagine my surprise when I came home from work that evening to find the tank empty. What was worst was the fact, when my mom came home and I asked her, she told me the 'rat' incident.

When I told my brother what happened, he asked the exact same questions as I did..

'Did you see a tail?'
'Doesn't hamster have tail?'

'Was it moving super fast, was slow as hell?'
'It was moving slowly, but maybe cause it got wet?'

Sigh.. This is what happens when you live at home with parents who cannot differentiate pets from pest...

I need to get a stronger and escape-proof cage..

Bad year for me this year.. Sigh..

Bad start of the tiger year..

For this tiger at least...

Sigh.

I have been having a streak of very bad luck, and to top it off, making it the worst week ever...

My hamster is gone...

Sigh...

Feel so sad.. =(

Really need to go and pray to appease the bad luck god and hope I get through this year with no mishaps..

It's my birthday~!

So I turn 24 today..

It is also the 4th day of the Lunar New Year. I took the day off, so I dun have to be super busy today at work (because of all the people who wants to take a sickie off work for a longer holidays) and enjoy my birthday.

Turning another year old actually makes a just a tiny bit of difference. Like how much older I feel now... And mentally, I feel much more mature compared to before..

Today was a nice quiet day spent with the BF.

I woke up pretty late, and was greeted by these 2 extremely red eggs. Haha..

Traditionally, one would get a bowl of mien sien/mee suah in soup cooked with an egg, usually eaten by the birthday person on their special day. The BF didn't know how to make it, so he cooked hardboiled eggs instead. Haha.. Oh well, it was a nice thought and I ate both of them up.. =)

After that, we went over to Ikea and had chicken rice at one of the hawker place nearby. It was crowded with many office personnel out for CNY lunch too. When we were done, we headed over to Ikea to try to find ourselves a computer table big enough for both of our computers. Spent about 2 hours total there. Wanted to have their famous meatballs, but because we were still pretty stuffed from lunch, we decided to skip it as I was gonna make them again for my weekend gathering with some friends. Total damage for the Ikea trip was $555, which included the table, 2 chairs and some other knick knacks. I love Ikea~!

We went grocery shopping after because BF was gonna make me dinner. Haha.. Took a cab home and then he started making preparations.


It was spinach cheese tortellini in a tomato sauce with olives and garlic. YUM! He put in lots of onions and carrots and it was surprisingly good. He even did the dishes too.. Haha.. I could get used to that.

And just when I thought that was as good as the day could get.. He got me these....



Aww.... So sweet..


This has to be the best birthdays of my whole 24 years of life.. Haha.. I wonder what he is gonna do to top it next year.. =P

Thanks to all for the birthday wishes. =)

Red Velvet Attempt

If anyone wants to know, I'm feeling fine now.. Previous feelings have slowly ebbed away and I am much more understanding now..

So I attempted the red velvet cupcake today. It was a terrific attempt! =)

However, I realized that red velvet cakes are not really my cup of tea.. Sure, the cake was soft and very moist with a hint of cocoa taste, and the cream cheese frosting was divine.. Paired together, they make a wonderful marriage made in heaven. But this marriage, is a little too rich for my taste. 1 was more than enough for me.

But the cake looked awesome lovely, with it's very vibrant red, and the smell of it was yummy.

I would make it again maybe for another 'red' event but not often, seeing as I am gonna be trying to lose weight after the festive season..

Hope everyone had a good V-day and a festive Lunar New Year celebration.

Bummed....

I'm feeling quite bummed out now..

I recently have been experiencing lots of highs and lows for almost a full week. Seems like it is gonna be part of my life from now on.

Sigh, being on the constant verge of tears, insecurity and then sudden anger does not help my state of mind. When I'm not angry, I feel like crying. I feel lonely even when I am not alone. The feeling gets worst when I'm tired and I can become cranky and abusive. Sometimes, I feel like running away.

I know what's past is past, but when it catches up to you, it seriously sucks like hell..

Sigh, I'm supposed to be feeling festive especially since its going to be Lunar New Year soon, and V-day plus it's going to be my birthday too.. But somehow...

I dun feel anything happy anymore..

I doubt..
I distrust..
I am starting to lose faith..
And I hate this feeling..

gLee

I watched the whole season in 3 days and omgosh, I'm hooked... Really fun to watch. It's humorous, full of awesome singing and dancing, and cute cast too.. Haha..

Go watch it~!

Ok, back to spring cleaning...
Have a great week~!

Insecure Random Craps

I hate that feeling. Insecurity. About life, yourself, your future etc etc.. The list goes on.. Makes me feel a bit sad and emo now.. Not sure why, but maybe it's the hormones and some unresolved issues.. Sigh..

-----

Had a little conversation with some friends about this other friend whose gf was caught going to her ex's house. The couple are still together, but going through a little rough patch. Personally, if it were me, no matter how much I trust my bf, I will not forgive him. Especially if he lied to me about his whereabouts. I mean come on, you have no alibi and 2 person in a house = infidelity in my books, whether the sexual act took place or not.

At least if you met in a public place, is still less incriminating. But then again, why would you still be hanging out so often with an ex?

-----

You know how hard it is to heed your own advise when you are in a certain situation yourself? Like how I say I would never tolerate infidelity in a partner, but when it happens to you, do you truly think you can just let go of the relationship without a second thought?

I know how hard it is to actually stick to what you believe in. I've done some stuffs that's quite bad in my life. But then you have to pick up the pieces and continue on, instead of just giving up and laying there to die. I've also learn a lot from all the mistakes I made.

I guess at the end of the day, everyone should be grateful to be alive, surrounded by your loved ones with a shelter over our heads and food in our tummies.

-----

I'm so sorry for this random post. Just everything going through the mind right now, with all the different emotions I'm feeling right now.

Anyways, hope everyone have a great remaining week. =)
Take care of your health!
XOXO

The Great Hamster Escape

So, I had an awesomely exciting day today.. Bumbi decided to prison break out of her cage for a short tour of the house..

When I woke up this morning, I couldn't find the sneaky lazy critter anywhere. On closer inspection, found out she was no longer in the cage. That was one of the biggest worry I had ever since I got her and it really happened.

So I panicked and called up my bf, asking him if Bum was still in her cage when he left this morning, which he confirmed that she was still snoozing when he left for work. Called my mom next and she said Bum was gone by the time she went to work.

Using my deduction skills, I came to the conclusion that she went in the direction of either:
1) My bro's bedroom
2) The spare room
3) The kitchen
4) Onto the balcony and off it (My first hamster jumped off the balcony and landed 6 floors down onto the concrete floor below)

So after searching for about an hour, I gave up. Since I had to work, I went ahead to get ready and made myself some lunch. Then I decided that if she was still around the house, maybe closing the doors and thus cutting off the chances of her roaming about the house, would help. Before I left for work, I decided to locate the torchlight which would aid the BF in the search of the escapee hamster.

So I went into my bro's room, to have a last look through, and guess who I found behind the door, looking like she had a party with the dust bunnies. I was so elated and shocked at the same time. So I made a dash for her with my bare hands, and she made the loudest squeak I had ever heard a hamster make, which totally freaked me out. I was afraid a few hours of freedom had made her wild and she would bite me in order to get away from me, so I made use of my dad's fish net and I finally manage to catch her after 10 mins of trying to get to her.

After placing her back in her cage, I breathe a sigh of relief and went off to work, 15 mins late. Now we have improvised the cage a little so that there will not be a 2nd escape from her.

Just a normal day in being the owner of a over curious and inquisitive hamster. =)

Good thing we found her though. I cannot stand to think she died of starvation in some obscure corner of the house and is rotting away... Eww...

Introducing....

The newest member of the family, BumBi!

=)

Stoner Bumbi!


Exposed!


Berry! Nom nom nom nom...

Sooo...

I know I haven't been blogging... But then, I'm just so lazy nowadays, and with the LunarNew Year just around the corner, work has been busy and I have to help out around the house more..

So I got my left wisdom tooth out today.. Scary ass experience if you ask me.. I already hated going to the dentist, and this experience just makes it even more freaky..

First off, I had to get a minor surgery as my wisdom tooth was partially out of my gums and lying on it's side (or back..). So the dentist had to cut open my gum, and then saw the tooth into 2 parts then pull them out after.

After he injected the numbing liquid into my gums, I felt nothing and from then on, just loads of drilling and tugging.. I was done in like 30 mins.. The whole process was pretty bearable, but now that the painkillers have wore off, it hurts like HELL!

I'm have to be constantly on painkillers so that the pain doesn't get to me.. Makes me feel like an addict. I could still do normal housework around the house when the painkillers dull the pain.

So I have 5 day home rest, and no eating of normal human food. Joy to the 3rd week of Jan.

Alright, that's about it I guess.. Will update more when I feel like it. =P